In my weekly spiritual growth group, we talked about how to spiritually grow. And read from our book, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all else shall be added unto you”. What things? Things like what you need for spiritual growth. Wait a second. I thought we worked on spiritual growth so we could seek for the Kingdom of God, but this puts it the other way around. Seek first the Kingdom? How do you do that? Before you get spiritual growth?
So Mary had a dream of the White House exploding from within. Well these days that could be literal, but prefer to take it metaphorically. the best person to interpret a dream is the one who had it, and she thought it was her concept of herself that guided her was blowing up. It reminded me of a dream I had of vaguely being aware that something was coming. Something bad.
After more conversation the group came to the conclusion that it was our ego or perhaps better our limited conceptions of ourselves were being blown up. That the light, like in the moment of creation was going to expand or awaken our souls so quickly it would change us in the twinkling of an eye.
We realized there are often two concepts of awakening our souls. Something huge happens, knocks St. Paul off his horse and blinds him for several weeks. Would that feel like an explosion? Why are people always terrified of angels? Are they, we, expecting to be blown away? How do you prepare yourself for something like that? It is not the normal step by step, careful approach that someday I will be holy. It’s boom, I am changed and I don’t know what happened.
First we can pray. Can pray to be changed. Can pray to “be not afraid”. Can pray for courage to accept. That’s was the first exercise. But then I thought of the Virgin Mary, the song goes “Mary did you know your baby boy would someday walk on water”. What did she know before saying “yes”. Did she know where it was all going? Probably not. Think of her courage in saying “yes”.
I realized she was a pretty good model. Maybe I could start saying “yes”. Maybe if I started saying “yes” to the little things, I would be trusted with the bigger things. Maybe I should learn to say “no” to a few things too. maybe I should discern between things I ought to say “no” to and the things I must say “yes” to and that will help me to see the big moment when God asks for the Christ to be born unto me.